Nexus

I wandered out too far and I read unforgiving books
The information I discovered shattered strong rooks.
My very soul felt the strike of my unveiled truth.
And for a time I was afraid to seek further proof.

I stumbled as a walking pillar of hopeless sorrow.
Knowing that I would not be painless until tomorrow.
My surface shines but at the same time my insides rot.
The great man that I once was has only been forgot.

With my own hands I would struggle to defend my sanity.
As I began to, in her eyes, lose more and more vanity.
But there are many ways to recover -- a great variety.
A mask, a sprint, a jump, and my very own sobriety.

Armed with no heart to call my own, I stood no chance.
But I did not running away, I did not squander my glance.
Although I had no hope of winning, I made my last stand.
Who knew? I came out alive with a reward most grand.

I deployed the last of my ordinance in this psychological war.
But only to realize that I had become the hypocritical whore.
So I lowered my weapons and stopped the fighting.
I took the pen, opened to a clean page and started writing.

I was wrong to overlook my mistakes and faults.
I was wrong to lock away her heart's fragments in vaults.
I was wrong to think that I had a chance to win her back.
I was wrong to think that her daily tasks were a personal attack.

I learned to accept the punishment I deserve for my folly.
I learned to expect excruciating levels of pain by the volley.
I learned to come to terms that my own happiness can be evident.
I learned to smile because as long as she is happy, I am ever so content.